Thank you, I just changed my roll. 
Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties,
they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist, and Dr. Jones was the proctologist;
they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.
The town council was livid and insisted they change it.The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.
This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics - no go.
Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives –thumbs down again.
Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again!
So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and Moons – forget it.
Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.Everybody loved it.
Oversize Load in Thief River Falls, MN 11/30/2017: https://twitter.com/MnDPS_MSP?lang=en
Now third tweet from top atm. Driver apparently did not bother to get a permit.
This one, brought a huge smile to my face https://uk.news.yahoo.com/dogs-mind-completely-blown-lemon-143507034.html.
Some things never change.
Just in time for Christmas - Thanks Spiceworks.
http://screencast-o-matic.com/screenshots/u/Lh/1513786435489-99779.png
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_QemF-2Rbo
I’m always on the lookout for Spam.
When I came across some in my house today,
I wanted to put it into the spam folder.
My wife had other ideas
https://screencast-o-matic.com/screenshots/u/Lh/1517438697969-67804.png
From my Facebook page:
https://screencast-o-matic.com/screenshots/u/Lh/1519222991173-16357.png
ROFL ;D 8)
A friend of mine replied and suggested that I get a DNA test as soon as possible.
A Newfie, Stanley, died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his
two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always
hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp,
and they also went to the Local Pub for drinks together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain’t Stanley.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm
the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup,
he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Stanley .”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gomer said, “well, Stanley had two assholes.”
“What! He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say,
"There’s Stanley with them two assholes.”
You can certainly see the evolution of my friends with this latest request:
https://screencast-o-matic.com/screenshots/u/Lh/1519771876631-7277.png
https://screencast-o-matic.com/screenshots/u/Lh/1521235471600-72494.png
This could have been describing me. Even the age is correct.
I however would have used 3 different words to describe my wishes.
President Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the world made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald… duck!”